Humorous Quotations

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Humorous Quotations

Post by RiMoLei on Sat Aug 23, 2008 8:13 am

These are quoted from some of the famous people.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one Iíve never tried before.
MAE WEST

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
MARK TWAIN

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
WOODY ALLEN

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN

The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
HARRY TRUMAN

All my life I've wanted to be somebody; I realize now that I should have been more specific.
LILY TOMLIN

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
MARION PEARSON

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
MARK TWAIN

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
SHIRLEY TEMPLE

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
E.E. CUMMINGS

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
JENNIFER UNLIMITED

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
LILY TOMLIN

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.
BERTOLT BRECHT

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W.C. FIELDS


Last edited by PM on Sun Aug 24, 2008 3:04 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : took off some lines)

_________________
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

RiMoLei
Needs to post more
Needs to post more

Number of posts : 90
Age : 37
Location : Zamboanga City
Registration date : 2008-08-03

View user profile http://www.pinoymuslims.com

Back to top Go down

Re: Humorous Quotations

Post by RiMoLei on Sat Aug 23, 2008 8:31 am

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
ANTON CHEKHOV

I can resist everything except temptation.
OSCAR WILDE

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.
MARK TWAIN

If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.
PAUL NEWMAN

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and Iím not sure about the former.
ALBERT EINSTEIN

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
VOLTAIRE

I donít want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.
WOODY ALLEN

I like children -- fried.
W.C. FIELDS

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

STEVEN WRIGHT

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
ELLEN DEGENERES

A word to the wise ainít necessary, it's the stupid ones who need all the advice.
BILL COSBY

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

MARK TWAIN

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
ZSA ZSA GABOR

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

SACHA GUITRY

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
AL CAPONE

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
JERRY SEINFELD

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
HEDY LAMARR

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
EMO PHILIPS


Last edited by PM on Sun Aug 24, 2008 3:07 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : took off some lines)

_________________
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

RiMoLei
Needs to post more
Needs to post more

Number of posts : 90
Age : 37
Location : Zamboanga City
Registration date : 2008-08-03

View user profile http://www.pinoymuslims.com

Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum